We will believe for you until you can again
Sermon on Matthew 25:14-30
Last week, during my First Call Theological Education via Zoom, I met a fellow pastor called Hazel. Even though I only saw her in a small window on my screen, she was the kind of person you have to look at. A beautiful woman with the most inviting smile sending out a warmth and honesty all the way through the internet. A child of light. And it so happened, that she shared her Call story with us during our final worship service.
Hazel grew up in a very conservative Christian family. She got married fairly young, had 2 kids, a job, a wonderful life. And then, she heard her call to ministry. It was loud and clear and since she happened to live 2 blocks down from Fuller seminary, she applied. They accepted her happily.
And then the financial crisis hit. Both she and her husband lost their jobs. And she found out to be pregnant with her third child. And her father-in-law had a stroke and needed help up in Alaska. “I must have misheard”, Hazel thought to herself. “God clearly doesn’t want me to become a pastor.” The family packed up and drove up to Alaska to live with the family and to support each other.
In Alaska, she attended her in-law’s church. And Fuller seminary didn’t let go of her. They offered her to attend courses online. Without telling anybody, she did. Just for fun. Because theology is the greatest field to explore in the entire world. I knew I related to her. While she was nursing her baby, a very conservative preacher talked about out woman surely couldn’t preach God’s word. She couldn’t believe it. The next Sunday she went back, expecting him to apologize. He didn’t. Hazel was furious and started looking for a new church home for her family.
Eventually, she walked into the Lutheran church in town. An old lady greeted her and told her to sit next to her. She would explain her everything and make her feel at home. Within minutes, everything just felt right. So right, that Hazel felt home and safe. After Hazel had attended that church for 2.5 years, it came the time when her seminary required her to find an internship position. Yet, nobody even knew that she was studying theology. So, Hazel walked up to her pastor and told him about it. He just embraced her and invited her to work with him. Everything seemed to simply fall in line and Hazel was sure about her call.
And then, her husband of 12 years died. Totally unexpectedly. Hazel was devastated. She couldn’t move anymore, couldn’t eat anymore, couldn’t exist anymore. And she was sure: “I must have misheard”, Hazel thought to herself. “God clearly doesn’t want me to become a pastor.”
But Hazel hadn’t counted on God’s holy weapons. The old ladies at church. These ladies stepped up. They cooked for the kids, they dressed the little one, they took them to school and picked them up. They watched over their homework. They paid for the final year at seminary for Hazel, gave her the gas money to drive down to Fuller and watched the kids meanwhile. Like angels of faith and love and hope, they surrounded Hazel and her kids. Because they had heard Hazel’s calling, too. And they were not to give up on that. When they pleaded with Hazel to finish her studies, Hazel said: “But I don’t even know if even still believe in God right now!” And the ladies replied: “That’s ok. We will believe for you until you can again.” “We will believe for you until you can again.”
Well, Hazel became an amazing pastor. She planted a church in Alaska and now helps others to hear their calling and to work through their struggles.
There is no peace and security in life whatsoever. After the last 7 months we all very much sense what that means. And most of you have learned that hard lesson many times already in your lives. When a marriage didn’t work out. When a child hasn’t talked to you in years. When a loved one died. When you lost your job. When we all lost our sense of normalcy in March. There is no security in life. Then sudden destruction will come upon them, as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and there will be no escape!
And as much as we know that theoretically, the harsh truth sneaks up on us like a thief in the night. We are never prepared. We are never ready for drastic change. It’s just not part of our human nature. And yet, Paul in today’s reading teaches us something researchers have found to be extremely important for people’s survival. Resilience. It’s what kept Hazel going.
It’s quite a buzzword. Resilience. It’s basically the question why some people become stronger personalities after great hardship while others can’t get back up on their feet. And it has a lot to do with our reading today.
There are of course tons of tips out there how to build resilience. I found a great article from the UC Berkeley that sounded very familiar in its approach to us Christians. It talks about 5 strategies.
Change the narrative: When something bad happens, we often relive the event over and over in our heads, rehashing the pain. This process is called rumination; it’s like a cognitive spinning of the wheels, and it doesn’t move us forward toward healing and growth. You’ve got to stop that. Like Hazel had to stop believing that she had misunderstood God’s calling even though it was loud and clear. Even though her life turned upside down. She had to stop living in her pain. And faithful ladies helped her change that narrative.
Or, in Paul’s words: Know, that amidst the darkness, you are children of light. You are the ones who have God in their heart and soul and mind. And darkness around you will just let you shine more and make your light brighter and people will see that in you. And sometimes you won’t see your own light. And then others will be there for you. Like the old ladies believing for Hazel. Like all the saints looking at you through Zoom right now. We are here to carry you and believe for you if need be. “Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing.”
Face your fears: That’s one of the hardest for me. Like, I hate answering the phone when I can’t identify the number. Not sure where it comes from but I always expect that to be someone who will tell me that I am in big trouble. Which I have never been. It’s totally irrational. So, what research shows is that I have to face that fear by setting goals. Like, I will pick up once a day if I don’t know the number. And then, I will block or save it to be on the safe side next time…
Paul puts it this way: Keep awake and be sober for whatever may come. Face the night, face the darkness, await the Lord.
Practice self-compassion: Admit that the darkness is dark and that it hurts to lose our freedom to travel and to hug each other and to visit friends and family as we wish. Admit, that sometimes you can’t believe in God anymore when darkness rolls over you in waves. Say it out loud. “This hurts” or “This is stress.” Or “I don’t know if I even believe in God anymore.” Then remember that you are not alone. That we are in this storm together. Even though we are not in the same boat necessarily. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Sometimes a little gesture can help. Like putting your hands on your heart and saying “I accept my life as it is.” Or “I am compassionate with myself.” And sometimes you need others to be compassionate with you. That’s what a church is there for.
Paul says: “For God has destined us not for wrath but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep we may live with him. If God is not angry at us, why are we at times? If God has compassion for our struggles, why can’t we?”
Meditate. Well, in our Christian language we would call that pray and stay connected to God. Pray. Tell God about your struggles. Tell God about your fears. Tell God about your hopes. Wrestle with God. Until you feel loved again. Until your faith is strong again.
Last not least: Cultivate forgiveness: Acknowledge what happened, how much it hurts, how much you miss your old life. Or how much you mourn the death of dreams. How much you fear the change. And then, the hardest part is about to come. The one where you forgive. Maybe somebody else for messing up your life through getting us all into a financial crisis. Maybe somebody who left you. Maybe you have to forgive yourself for a decision. Maybe you even have to forgive God for not saving us from this mess right now. That forgiveness is not reconciliation. It just means that you are able to let go of your own resentments for your own sake. It means that your light can shine again while others might remain in their darkness. It means that we put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. “Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing, for you are all children of light and children of the day; we are not of the night or of darkness.” Amen.
